Monday, January 21, 2008

Sunday Service for the first time in a decade.

It's been just about 10 years or so since I woke up before dawn and heard a calling to go to a Sunday service.
I had left my congregation and did not attend another for over a decade.

It really has been that long.

The feeling was good.

Despite the bitter cold- I walked while the freezing wind bit at my face.

But my heart was warm and full of excitement and wonder.
I did not know what was in store- I just knew I was to go.

It was a new destination- I have never been to the place I was heading towards.

The experience was quite interesting.

I did see several faces that I recognize from market shopping, the streets, the parks etc. But no one that I knew personally.

I was welcomed warmly when I arrived and many greeted me afterwards and several invited me to join them for a potluck.

I just smiled and said thank you. I didn't feel like saying yes or no.
(But I was not going to eat, I knew that right away)

The bulletin asked for volunteers to help with a menial task, and I knew it would be something I could do. So my goal after the service was to find someone in charge to let know that I was willing to help before I left.

While some very kind and interesting people were helping me find the person in charge of the task, I was greeted by someone very surprised to see me.

Although I had no feeling of shock, surprise, or anything palpable- I just stood there and said hello. Probably with a slight smile on my face.

I was just calm.
My heart was beating at a normal pace.
My legs were planted firm and I felt tall.

This is a person who 10 years ago in another town far away, caused me a huge devastating heartache by doing something horrific.

I left that place where this person who stood before me had been attending- I lived for years with such anguish...Deep grief and intense anger and disgust. Never setting foot among another congregation with an intent to share a service.

How ironic to be called (in spirit) for the first time in so long- to a place where this person who did so much damage to my own spirit would be attending.

I do want to share that I feel peace.
I feel strong.
And I do know that I have completely forgiven this person.

I am not sure why I am posting this to my blog.
I certainly would not share these words out loud with my voice, but my fingers are typing away, and I feel that I just need to share this.

What makes me feel good- Being called. When it happens- That is the BEST invitation ever. Following through on the invitation is priceless.

Thank you to whomever it was that sent just the right prayer for me to be lifted, and encouraged.
To be freed from past hurts and wrongs.
I really appreciate it. It was a new prayer.

Now I sit here wondering how do I publish this post.
It feels so personal, so private.

I just will-


Kelly Snelling said...

i'm glad that you published it, amber dawn. your beautiful, faithful, loving heart has lifted me up and given me renewed hope in the world. we are all such fragile delicate beings but at the same time gigantic warriors. it is good to live this life. and to live is strong and full of peace. many blessings to you, friend.

Earthtone Studios said...

This story really touched me. I'm sure that it was posted for a reason, it may be a reason you may never know but someone who needed to read your story has or will.

P.A. GIbbons said...

The universe/God/higher being works in mysterious ways. It gives us gifts that we chose to accept, or to turn away from. In accepting you have grown, healed, and gathered strength. Bravo to listening to the calling.


Anonymous said...

Amber, You always have a way with your can tell they are from the heart. God always has a purpose, we just have to be open to listen and you did. Debbie

sammy said...

I was so touched by your post, Amber... Isn't it awesome how Our Heavenly Father works in our life when we are not aware of it...
I am so glad I was able to share in this... Prayers and love! sammy

sallyt said...

Amber, it was so good to hear from you. I'm glad I jumped over to your blog to get in on this story. Sometimes the Holy Spirit just knocks your socks off! Glad you shared it.

Mija said...

how very courageous you are... not only to post this very personal story but to be faithful enough to heed the calling of the Divine.

Connie said...

sometimes our hearts well up with a story we must tell-and we just can't shut our fingers up! that's what i love about blogging the is such a great place to vent and to heal. Congrats for being so brave to talk about it - and super super kudos for handling a potential situation with such grace and wisdom!